113. A woman was
terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat
regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two
weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the woman
returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's
amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The woman nodded.
"I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger,
you mean?" "No, from skipping."
114. A navy captain is
alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his
position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.
The captain was
asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”
The Captain replies,
“So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’t discouraged.” They fight off the pirates
eventually.
The very next day,
the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He
yells, “Get me my brown pants!”
115. The bartender says
“You can’t have that thing in here! Get out!” The guy says “It’s okay, this
Alligator is highly trained. Just give me a few seconds and I’ll show you.”
The bartender,
intrigued, gives him the go-ahead. The man gingerly lifts the alligator up onto
a table. By this point, everybody in the bar is gawking at this strange man and
his pet.
The man grins around
the room. Having a new audience, he clears his throat and says “This is Allie
the Amazing Alligator, and he is so well-trained that I can do this,” He balls up
his fist and gives the alligator a swift crack on the head. “OPEN!” He says.
The alligator opens his mouth. Before the bartender can do anything, the man
unzips his fly and whips it out. He gingerly places his penis in the front of
the alligator’s gaping maw. He wallops the alligator once more and says
“CLOSE!” And the alligator ever-so-gently closes his terrifying jaws
comfortably around his junk. One last time, he raps his head and says “OPEN!”
He removes his unharmed manhood, and tucks it safely back into his pants.
The crowd applauds,
and he takes a bow. With all eyes still focused on him, he says “Now, any of
you guys have the balls to do that, I’ll buy you a drink and give you fifty
dollars.” Silence falls over the bar, and everyone looks around for someone who
might be willing to take the bet. After a few endless, uncomfortable seconds, A
little dude in the back slowly raises his hand and says “I’ll do it, but you
have to promise not to hit me so hard.”
116. One rainy Sunday
afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On
the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole –
killing them both instantly.
The couple soon found themselves standing in front of St. Peter at
the Pearly Gates, welcoming them to Heaven. The young woman asks Peter if they
could get married in Heaven, since their time on Earth was cut short. He
replies that he’ll get back with them on that
request.
A month later, St.
Peter finds them and announces that they can – in fact – get arried in Heaven.
To his suprise, the woman asks “Just wondering, if things don’t work out will
we be able to get a divorce?”
With a stern look in
his eye, Peter blurts out “Look lady, it took me a month to find a preacher up
here… you really think I’m gonna find a lawyer?”
117. While visiting
England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. In conversation, he
asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says she surround sherself with
intelligent people, which helps her to make wise decisions. He asks how she
knows if the people around her are intelligent. “I do so by asking them the
right questions,” says the Queen.
“Allow me to
demonstrate.” She phones Tony Blair and asks, “Mr. Prime Minister. Please
answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child
is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”
Tony Blair responds,
“It’s me, ma’am.”
“Correct. Thank you
and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs up and says, “Did you get that,
Mr. Bush?”
“Yes ma’am. Thanks a
lot. I’ll definitely be using that!”
Upon returning to
Washington, he decides he’d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign
Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and
says, “Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.”
“Why, of course,
sir. What’s on your mind?”
“Umm, so like… your
mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Helms onders the
question for several minutes and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get
back to you?” Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting
with the other senior senators and they puzzle over the question for several
hours but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms
calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
“Now look here Mr.
Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is
not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?” Colin answers immediately, “It’s
me of course, you dumb ass.”
Much relieved, Helms
rushes back to the White House and exclaims, “I know the answer, sir! I know
who it is! It’s Colin Powell!” And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong you dumb
ass, It’s Tony Blair!”
118. A
blonde and red head are walking in the woods when then red head has a heart
attack and falls to the ground. Shocked, the blonde takes out her phone and
calls the police and she shouts, "I think my friend is dead what do I
do?". The policeman on the phone says, "Calm down and listen to me.
First make sure that he really is dead." There is a silence. Then a loud
gunshot. The blonde gets back on the phone and says, "Okay, now
what?"
119. A cowboy named Bud
was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when
suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young
man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out
the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and
calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the
man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his
car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3
cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS
satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another
NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then
opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image
processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.
Within seconds, he
receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the
data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected
Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes,
receives a response.
Finally, he prints
out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet
printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and
calves."
"That's right.
Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young
man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man
stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the
young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you
give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks
about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a
Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's
correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing
required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying
to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don't know a thing about
how working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. This is a herd
of sheep.
Now give me back my
dog.
120. Normal people believe that if
it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.
121. To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
122. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those
guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept
golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with
him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
123. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
124. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it
work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"
125. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have
designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the
joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
126. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting
coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)
127. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding
my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you
want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
128. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you
want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
129. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if
they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6
cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of
milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."
130. There was a preacher
who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on
the golf course swinging away.
On one particular
Sunday it turned out to be a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was
shining, the temperature was just right and there was very little wind. The
preacher was in a quandary and wasn't sure what to do....play golf or give the
Sunday service. The urge to play golf overcame him and he called in his
assistant to take care of the Sunday service for
him. The preacher packed up his car and drove 3 hours to a course where no one
would recognize him.
An angel above was
watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. The angel went to God and said,
"look at the preacher. He should punished for what he is doing." God
nodded in agreement.
All alone but
enjoying it immensely, the preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the
ball and hit a perfect drive. The ball ripped through the still air straight as
an arrow and 400 yards later it landed the green where it gently rolled into
the cup. A tremendous hole in one!
The preacher was
amazed and excited. The angel was in shock. The angel turned to God and said,
"Begging your pardon, but I thought that you were going to punish
him?"
God smiled and said,
"I did....think about it....who can he tell about this?"
131. t's that time of
year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercising the brain is as
important as exercising muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep
mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way
to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the test
presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so
you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your
mind and begin.
1. What do
you put in a toaster?
Answer:
"bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something
else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say
"silk" five times. Now spell "silk"
What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink
water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your
brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a
more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said
"water", proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is
made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house
is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks , what is
a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses
are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why the heck are you
still reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years
ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall,
Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany
.) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the
last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure.
Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally
crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany
and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West
Germany , or no man's land"?
Answer: You don't
bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING
else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury
survivors", proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a
calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In
London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and
nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff,
11 people get off and 16 people get on . In Swansea , three people get off and
five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then
arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for
crying out loud!
Don't you remember
your own name? It was YOU!! Now pass this along to all your friends and pray
they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people
fail most of the questions!!
132. The
manager of a liquor store gets a midnight phone call at home:
- Hello!
- At what time does the store open?
- At ten o'clock sir.
At two in the morning, the phone rings again:
- HELLO!
- Ya (burp), at what time does, euh, the store
open?
- AT TEN IN THE MORNING, sir
Again, at four, the phone rings:
- HELLO!!!
- Ya, euh, (burp), at ...time, euh, does the euh
store open?
- At ten in the morning sir, but I am not sure
that, since you are so drunk, I will let you in.
- I (burp) don't want, euh, to get in, euh, I want
to get out!
133. Two
fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.
One
looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge.
He
stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.
The
procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and
reel, and continues fishing.
The
other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."
The
first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I
was married to her for 40 years."
134. A
mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked
along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had b**bs bigger than his
mother’s, and asked her why.
The
mother told her son, “The bigger they are the dumber that person is.”
Satisfied
with the answer, the boy left to play in the ocean, but returned to tell his
mother that many of the men have larger “pee-pees” than his dad.
His
mother explained, “The bigger they are the dumber that person is.”
Again,
satisfied with the answer, the boy returned to the ocean to play.
Shortly
after, the boy returned again, promptly informing his mother, “Daddy is talking
to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets!”
136. A guy asked his friend Steve, a notorious ladies' man,
how he satisfies women.
"I just slam my penis on the dresser until
it is numb - and then I can go for hours," bragged Steve.
That night the guy slammed his dick on the
dresser while his wife was in the bathroom.
"Steve," she called out, "is that
you?"
137. Harry
and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she’ll become a
hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that
bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I’ll
be parked around the corner.”
She’s
there for five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, “How much?”
“A hundred dollars.”
“Damn. All I've got is thirty.”
“Hold on,” she says and runs back to Harry.
What
can he get for thirty dollars?”
“A handjob,” Harry replies.
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob. He
says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a HUGE cock.
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.”
She
runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, “Harry, can you loan this
guy seventy bucks?”
138. A
man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go
fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that
promotion I've been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a
week and set out my rod and tackle box.
We're
leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh!
Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The
wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a
good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he
comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him
home and asks if he caught many fish? He says, "Yes!
Lot's
of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue
silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
"I
did, they're in your tackle box."
139. Miss Beatrice, The church
organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor
came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She
invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old
Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of
it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a
condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat..
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its
strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer
resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing
to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a
few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions
said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread
of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'
140. A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them,
"We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from
having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of
two weeks.
The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able
to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"
"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go
without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied.
"What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage
of her right there."
"You understand, of course, that this means
you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.
"That's okay," said the young man.
"We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."
141. Krisjan:
"Goeie more. Maak vol met Super, asseblief."
Attendant:
"How much?"
Krisjan:
"Vol asseblief."
Attendant:
"I only speak English Sir!"
Krisjan:
"Noooo problem..... Good day to you, Sir. I currently feel a profound
desire to replenish the propellant of my motorized vehicle. Therefore, I
cordially request you to transfer, from your subterranean reservoir, a
sufficient quantity of combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill
the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the
brim."
Attendant:
"Hau!" ?
Krisjan:
"Do you have a problem Sir? I thought you said you spoke English?"
Attendant:
"English..... that? she is not English!"
Krisjan:
"My dear Sir, are you veritably attempting to insinuate that you do not
even recognize the language which you allege to be your singular means of
communication?"
Attendant:
"Hau?"
Krisjan:
"Let me attempt to elucidate in the most elementary terms your paltry
grasp of the English vernacular is frittering away the time at my disposal, or,
as I would put it, in a more civilized, intelligible language....
Dit is fokken duidelik dat jy FOkkOL van Engels weet. So, kry jou slapgat in
rat en maak hierdie bliksemse kar se tank vol voordat ek hier uitklim en jou
moer, want jy mors my donnerse tyd!!!!!!!!! Verstaan jy nou?!!"
Attendant:
"Ja,Meneer. Vol, Meneer! Afrikaans is beter, Meneer!"
142. The following
questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink
because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and
canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and
makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the
earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is
no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins
the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist
that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen
when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on
the stairs
Q.. What happens to your
body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels
and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and
looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull
instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts -
the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the
brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains
the five bowels: A, E, I, O,
U..
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by
wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in
Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp
places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as
your face.
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you
be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on
his head
143. Bill Gates recently gave a
speech at a High School about
eleven things they did not and will not learn in school.
Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world doesn't care
about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something
BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You
won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents
had a different word for burger flipping: They called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your
mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are
now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and
listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were: So before you save
the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation,
try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life
HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll
give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and
very few employers
are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life, people actually have
to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
144. Levels Of Stress
You pick up a
hitchhiker... A beautiful girl.
Suddenly she faints inside your car and you take her to the hospital.
Now that's stressful.
But at the hospital, they say she is
pregnant &
Congratulate you that you're going to be a father.
You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are.
This is getting very stressful!
You request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.
After the tests are completed,
The doctor says the test shows you're infertile,
And probably have been since birth.
You're extremely stressed but relieved.
On your way back home, you think
about your 5 kids at home.
NOW THAT’S STRESS!!
145. While suturing a cut on the hand
of a 75 year old South African farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze
gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old
man.
Eventually the topic got around to Zuma and his role as our
president.
The old farmer said, 'Well, ya know, Zuma is a "Post Turtle''.
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a 'post turtle'
was.
The old farmer said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come
across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to
explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up
there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his
ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there
to begin with."
